Still from a friend's post that I'd like to share.
In long distance relationships, it can be easy to feel like you're wasting the time you spend together. It is very common to spend that time worrying about it slipping away. Like many things in life, the solution is really to find a happy medium, and that's going to be a little different for everyone. Different LDRs get on that track in different ways, after all. If one couple used to live together and is now separated by distance because of a job or school, they have a different comfort zone than a couple who have only been together briefly before having to part ways or even in an online relationship who met on the internet and have not yet met in person.
One of the most important things in a long distance relationship of either type is that the time you spend together should not feel like a vacation. It can feel like that sometimes, especially if you're actually going on a vacation. All couples rejuvenate their romances with a vacation now and then. But you have to be careful to keep the LDR itself from feeling like a vacation away from your life. In a quality relationship, each partner is part of the other's life -not a break from it.
A couple that's used to living together or being near each other and is now in an LDR should try to spend some of their time together having the life they used to have. That can mean going back to familiar restaurants or cooking favorite meals, maybe watching TV together or visiting friends. Remember to be relaxed and not obsess about making "every minute count." Think of it as picking up where you left off, even if all you have is a weekend before one of you has to go back.
If you're in an online relationship or other type of long distance relationship where you haven't actually spent much time together, then it can be easy to feel like every minute has to be "quality time." In a sense you're right, but people tend to misunderstand what "quality time" is. Sometimes the best moments in a long term relationship are the comfortable silences. Online you don't have that - online, nobody's "in the room" unless they're saying something. But don't try to make up for this by being too intense in your time together. Don't try to pack a whole relationship into the days and weeks out of the year that you get to see each other. It probably won't work, it will leave both partners unhappy, and it may make you feel pressured to take the next step sooner than you're ready for - whatever that next step may be.
Quality time is comfortable and shared time you can remember later and smile. LDRs need shared memories and experiences to keep the two partners strongly connected. One reason so many married couples start acting more like co-parents than like romantic partners is because their shared parenting experiences outnumber, and are more recent than, the romantic experiences. In a long distance relationship, you don't want all your shared memories to be conversations about how much an LDR is a pain. You don't want to commiserate and you don’t want to forget the R in LDR.
No matter what you do, just remember that both you and your partner have to feel comfortable and relaxed. Nobody likes to be rushed or pressured into things so make sure you are both on the same page and can find a balance together so you can make every minute count without stressing too much about it.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
How not to lose interest in the relationship?
I am such a troubled one when it comes to keeping a long-distance relationship. Ive read this post from a friend. I dont have any idea where in the world she got this. I wanted to share this article to give some light to those who are somehow of the same stat as me so I am reposting such.
Relationships are like delicate plants. They need lots of attention, proper care and committed interest to survive. There's no question about it, it is a greater challenge to maintain the same level of passion and interest in a long distance relationship than it is in a conventional relationship. Although both types of relationship take a considerable amount of work, LDRs are a little more complicated mostly because partners don’t have the luxury of everyday face-to-face communication. The long separation periods and lonely evenings can really take a toll on your distance relationship and your disposition towards what you have with your sweetie. However, it is in your and your partner’s hands to turn the situation around and work together to keep your relationship alive and kicking.
• Communicate and visit often
Communication is essential to all relationships, especially LDRs. It is the key to stay connected and keep your level of intimacy growing. To ensure that your long distance relationship survives, you need to communicate daily with your partner. You can do it in every way possible, from phone calls to text messages and from e-mails to webcam sessions. Just a simple message of "Good morning, I was thinking about you!" can do wonders for your partner, helping to give them a bit of a boost in the mornings, reassure them about your feelings while it can motivate them to do the same thing for you. Send emails, letters, and cards. Don't discount the impact that your written words can have on your partner feeling connected to you. And of course don’t hold back if you just feel like calling to say I love you. Improvise and be creative.
In addition, make sure you visit each other as often as possible. It makes the biggest difference in the world when you get the chance to spend some time together. It will fuel your passion and remind you why it is worth it trying for your relationship.
• Remind each other why you are in a LDR
The reasons you started your long-distance relationship are important.
The way you feel about each other, the companionship, the friendship, the things you found most attractive in your partner. You need to remind yourself and your partner of these reasons on a fairly regular basis. Being physically apart can make both partners feel disconnected and often the emotional pain of being away from each other can overcome the joy you feel when you are together. Be romantic and make little gestures that remind both of you of the good times you have together. Keep a journal with the good times or a scrapbook with beautiful pictures of your life as a couple and share them, talk about them and cherish them. This will surely keep you motivated and remind you why you got in this relationship in the first place.
Long distance dating is not the easiest thing in the world but instead of focusing on the negative aspects, you should think about all the positive ones. Just remember that couples in LDRs are often more passionate about each other and more interested in their relationships because they have to try for it. Everything in long distance relationships is more challenging and evokes strong feelings, both negative and positive. Take advantage of this and work on it as a basis to keep the flame alive even if you are plenty of miles away from each other.
Relationships are like delicate plants. They need lots of attention, proper care and committed interest to survive. There's no question about it, it is a greater challenge to maintain the same level of passion and interest in a long distance relationship than it is in a conventional relationship. Although both types of relationship take a considerable amount of work, LDRs are a little more complicated mostly because partners don’t have the luxury of everyday face-to-face communication. The long separation periods and lonely evenings can really take a toll on your distance relationship and your disposition towards what you have with your sweetie. However, it is in your and your partner’s hands to turn the situation around and work together to keep your relationship alive and kicking.
• Communicate and visit often
Communication is essential to all relationships, especially LDRs. It is the key to stay connected and keep your level of intimacy growing. To ensure that your long distance relationship survives, you need to communicate daily with your partner. You can do it in every way possible, from phone calls to text messages and from e-mails to webcam sessions. Just a simple message of "Good morning, I was thinking about you!" can do wonders for your partner, helping to give them a bit of a boost in the mornings, reassure them about your feelings while it can motivate them to do the same thing for you. Send emails, letters, and cards. Don't discount the impact that your written words can have on your partner feeling connected to you. And of course don’t hold back if you just feel like calling to say I love you. Improvise and be creative.
In addition, make sure you visit each other as often as possible. It makes the biggest difference in the world when you get the chance to spend some time together. It will fuel your passion and remind you why it is worth it trying for your relationship.
• Remind each other why you are in a LDR
The reasons you started your long-distance relationship are important.
The way you feel about each other, the companionship, the friendship, the things you found most attractive in your partner. You need to remind yourself and your partner of these reasons on a fairly regular basis. Being physically apart can make both partners feel disconnected and often the emotional pain of being away from each other can overcome the joy you feel when you are together. Be romantic and make little gestures that remind both of you of the good times you have together. Keep a journal with the good times or a scrapbook with beautiful pictures of your life as a couple and share them, talk about them and cherish them. This will surely keep you motivated and remind you why you got in this relationship in the first place.
Long distance dating is not the easiest thing in the world but instead of focusing on the negative aspects, you should think about all the positive ones. Just remember that couples in LDRs are often more passionate about each other and more interested in their relationships because they have to try for it. Everything in long distance relationships is more challenging and evokes strong feelings, both negative and positive. Take advantage of this and work on it as a basis to keep the flame alive even if you are plenty of miles away from each other.
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