How do we make the most of the short time we spend together?

Still from a friend's post that I'd like to share.

In long distance relationships, it can be easy to feel like you're wasting the time you spend together. It is very common to spend that time worrying about it slipping away. Like many things in life, the solution is really to find a happy medium, and that's going to be a little different for everyone. Different LDRs get on that track in different ways, after all. If one couple used to live together and is now separated by distance because of a job or school, they have a different comfort zone than a couple who have only been together briefly before having to part ways or even in an online relationship who met on the internet and have not yet met in person.


One of the most important things in a long distance relationship of either type is that the time you spend together should not feel like a vacation. It can feel like that sometimes, especially if you're actually going on a vacation. All couples rejuvenate their romances with a vacation now and then. But you have to be careful to keep the LDR itself from feeling like a vacation away from your life. In a quality relationship, each partner is part of the other's life -not a break from it.


A couple that's used to living together or being near each other and is now in an LDR should try to spend some of their time together having the life they used to have. That can mean going back to familiar restaurants or cooking favorite meals, maybe watching TV together or visiting friends. Remember to be relaxed and not obsess about making "every minute count." Think of it as picking up where you left off, even if all you have is a weekend before one of you has to go back.

If you're in an online relationship or other type of long distance relationship where you haven't actually spent much time together, then it can be easy to feel like every minute has to be "quality time." In a sense you're right, but people tend to misunderstand what "quality time" is. Sometimes the best moments in a long term relationship are the comfortable silences. Online you don't have that - online, nobody's "in the room" unless they're saying something. But don't try to make up for this by being too intense in your time together. Don't try to pack a whole relationship into the days and weeks out of the year that you get to see each other. It probably won't work, it will leave both partners unhappy, and it may make you feel pressured to take the next step sooner than you're ready for - whatever that next step may be.


Quality time is comfortable and shared time you can remember later and smile. LDRs need shared memories and experiences to keep the two partners strongly connected. One reason so many married couples start acting more like co-parents than like romantic partners is because their shared parenting experiences outnumber, and are more recent than, the romantic experiences. In a long distance relationship, you don't want all your shared memories to be conversations about how much an LDR is a pain. You don't want to commiserate and you don’t want to forget the R in LDR.


No matter what you do, just remember that both you and your partner have to feel comfortable and relaxed. Nobody likes to be rushed or pressured into things so make sure you are both on the same page and can find a balance together so you can make every minute count without stressing too much about it.